THE MAGIC HATCHET
The magic hatchet scarred the trees
And brought the woodsman to his knees
It carved the lives of wives in fences
And parted soldiers from their senses
In raging hands it struck for oil
Then lay there buried in the soil

In the time it took to curse a spell
New hatchets grew where that one fell
Their handles grasped by angered men
The carnage started up again
With hatchets buried in red ground
For a brief pause there was no sound

Then from the earth as giant fleas
There sprang 10 million hatchet trees
On every branch a flashing blade
That all turned red as scores were paid
Soon all sank back into the mire
And so came “Ready, Aim and Fire!”

And hatchet, bullet, rocket and bomb
Like Christ are buried to rise again
Hatchet - faced races race to clash
As from sleep a billion more are hatched
To hack and cull and gun and bomb
All hatchet numbers down to… none
(JF Whitney 2017)


ALL THE WORLD'S A CAGE
All the world's a cage
Hermaphrodites and players within its bars
They have their existential trances
Eros in his time beats many hearts
He soothes and he enrages

When you're in love with a beautiful snowman
With each embrace he slips through your fingers
And the heat from your lips as you whisper warm words
reduces his smile to a row of cold coals

She is the answer to a lord's prayer
With breasts not made for lactation
When the whole of her soul is laid bare
She becomes the answer to an incantation

The night is awash with starlets
Shining for sugar daddies (or sugar dummies)
There's no fool like an old fool
But the wisest fool knows that he's an idiot

(JF Whitney & She Rocola 2010)


ESMERELDA

I had such a terrible Friday 13
The switch went crack! & the lights went down
The rats insult me and treat me so mean
In my candlelit dump in the middle of town
My heart creeps like feet that shuffle outside
The same heart you broke 50 times in a day
The noise in my head gives me no place to hide
Its 50 times louder since you went away
I'll follow you back to your quiet little town
I won't show myself 'cos its bad for your health
I'll try to blend in as I trail you around
'Cos one look at me and you might shit yourself
My back's so stiff, my infection hurts
The buzz in my ear drowns out the ring
My breath's short & bad and my temper's worse
There's flies in my eyes so it must be spring
I'm glad you can't see me by dawn's early light
It's too much to handle for the world & his wife
I grind my teeth down to stumps at night
There's food stuck between 'em and I'm damned for life
I listen for the post and I know that at most
You'll send me back my ear and my unopened letter
I can't get out of bed 'cos I'm already dead
I'd try to call your Mum but I'd only upset her
I'll follow you back to your quiet little town
I won't show myself 'cos its bad for your health
I'll try to blend in as I trail you around
'Cos one look at me and you might shit yourself
The bed's full of itches and I got no food
I got no money and my friends are gone
I grind my teeth down to stumps at night
There's food stuck between 'em and I'm damned for life

(JF Whitney 2001)


MY DOG

My dog don't like your dog
My dog pisses over your dog

Your dog's wearing my collar now
What do you think of that, Pussy?

Black dogs and gout?
The powders drive them out

Stay back my friend,
Stay back

My dog's poop hatch
Could swallow every goddamn canine thought

Whose paw/hand pats dry
All fleas to dust

Cat's eyes in the road
Dog's eyes in the hunt

My dog don't like your dog
My dog pisses all over your dog

One good turn - the turn of the card
The turn of the worm - and the taming of the cur

With mercury teeth
My dog bites the upper crust

All the monks are silly
And all the nuns are pretty

A nun behind bars
Is a mad dog itch

Her whole body's a rusk of musk
His whole body's a tusk…tsk…tsk

My dog don't like your dog
My dog pisses over your dog

(JF Whitney & Jake Vegas 2014)